My Story this Easter

We attend Crossland Community Church. I could talk all day long about how this place has changed my life. It's a gift. As if God wrapped it up himself and handed it right down for me. The whole church--for me. That's how amazing it is. Our pastor, Gregg, challenged us to use social media to tell "our stories" and to invite everyone we know to join us on Easter Sunday to celebrate the empty tomb. I'm not a great writer, but here I go...

My story? It's an ugly, beautiful thing. One that I love so much--crazy as that sounds.

See, I'm a rule follower. Always have been. Black or white--no gray. My story is one of a girl trying to be perfect--to follow all of the rules--because that's what I thought Christianity was all about. Being good. Following rules. Cause the good win, right? But, you know what? That's hard on a gal. It's exhausting. It left me bitter and judgemental and exhausted and unfulfilled. (((Now, hear me when I say, I have not led a perfect life. Not at all. My life has been full of sin--more so than I would have ever liked to admit. For many years, I prided myself on staying away from drugs, alcohol, and sex. Those things weren't present in my life, but you know what was? Anger, pride, deceit...)))

After years of thinking I could be good enough and that I could do things on my own--I hit a bump. Or maybe a bump hit me. Either way, it was ugly. I was 23 years old and 6 months pregnant with our first child and my world come tumbling down on top of me. I woke up one morning and nothing was the same. Everything I thought was true, everything I thought was perfect and right, everything I prided myself on, everything I trusted--was gone. And you know what, when that happens, it doesn't matter if you managed to stay away from all the sinful things this life has to offer. How's that gonna help you now? For a moment, I would have gladly drowned my sorrows in a bottle of alcohol--because at least it would have taken the pain away momentarily.

Through the pain, the tears, the anger, the devastation, the loss--I heard a still small voice, a calling. A calling to something greater. A calling to relinquish control--because after all, turns out I can't control anything. A calling to peace. A calling to a life of freedom. A calling to let Him turn my sorrow into dancing. A reminder that I don't have to be perfect. I just have to BE--to know that He loves me more than I can ever imagine. That day I made a decision. I decided that anger and resentment would NOT be welcome in my life. They could NOT win. I couldn't walk the rest of my life on this Earth carrying around the burden of pain, anger, distrust, and hatred. I surrendered. And that was a big deal and it was hard. Many days, I picked all my burdens right back up--determined to waller in them and carry them around for all to see. My God was so patient, so loving, so gentle with my heart. I would, again, get exhausted and become frustrated with my futile attempts--and surrender again. Back and forth. Back and forth. I knew the calling on my life--but the flesh is so hard to battle.

One step in front of another. One day at a time. And slowly, He built my world back. In His timing. With His materials. Some days I could see the work He was doing in my life. But, many days were cloudy. Many days I wondered how my life could ever be whole again and if He was really doing the work He promised He would. If purpose could be restored. If trust could be restored. If life could be restored. If dancing could be restored. If the sting of the pain would EVER go away.

I'm here to tell you--some 6 years later--the answer is YES. He keeps His promises. Every.Single.One. The world tells me I should be angry, mad, and resentful--and that all of those feelings would be justified. I know I should be somewhere dark and gloomy, wallering in my own self pity. It is nothing short of a miracle that I awake each morning with a new song in my heart. What He has created is so much more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Ever. I stand in awe daily.

I don't have to be perfect. He never called me to that. I don't have to be in control. He has always wanted to do that for me. All I have to do is trust in Him with all of my heart and soul. I can never be good enough and I can't be too bad for His love.

That's my story.

Psalm 40:1-3

1I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

and he turned to me and heard my cry.

2He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

and steadied me as I walked along.

3He has given me a new song to sing,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what he has done and be amazed.

They will put their trust in the Lord.

It is my prayer that many will be amazed at my God through my story and will trust in the Lord. I will NOT hide my story or be ashamed of it. It is one of beauty and filled with promise and I MUST use it for His glory to point people towards the Savior. I would love to tell you more--you can always email me at thecomptons01@insightbb.com