5 years and 3 days ago

Five years and three days I was ready to explode. I was pregnant, hot, miserable, swollen, and 2 days past my due date. I had been begging God every day for that day to be "the day". I had walked a million miles, eaten spicy foods, done squats, had the soles of my feet rubbed, had a massage by a professional known to induce labor, and done every other idea I came across that was thought to bring on childbirth. Nothing worked. God made me wait for his timing--not mine.


My hospital bag had been packed for, literally, weeks on end. I had a list of people to call, books and magazines for Big Daddy to read while I labored (wasn't that sweet of me?? I know better now. No one is going to read anything while I'm in labor!!!! You are going to sit and watch me!!!!), 3 pairs of cute pj's for me to wear in the hospital, a baby book for visitors to sign, a swaddling blanket, several changes of clothes for my newborn, and a million other things I had read that I needed to take along with us to the hospital. I was ready. I had been. God knew I wasn't. But--He would teach me along the way.


My heart had been hurting for months. I had been thrown into the depths of a fire, against my own will. I had fought and cried and begged to be released. I couldn't understand why God would allow such a personal tragedy to strike me down during what was supposed to be such a joyous time in my life. God did. He planned to use it and the life within me to teach me, to heal me, and to use me.


So, there I was. Waiting for tomorrow. An anxious heart. An anxious mind. An anxious spirit. Ready to meet my son.


An induction was scheduled for the next day. All the packing, reading, planning, and talking to others could have never prepared me for the day that was before me. To meet my son. To hold the life that had been created within me. To touch the skin of the new little person I was entrusted with. To kiss the head of someone who was part his Daddy and part myself. Someone I already loved, but had no idea how much.


That precious baby was born at 6:01 pm the next day after an intense day of laboring. He was perfect. He was huge. He had a head full of hair. He had my heart immediately. My eyes were instantly opened to the understanding of things I had never before been able to grasp, such as: the love of a parent, unconditional love, and the love of my God.


This little boy brought joy, peace, healing, and love into my life.
Five years later...
I am still amazed by my baby. I am still amazing at my God and his creation. I watch BB's life unfold with baited breath. I love him more each day that passes. My hopes and dreams for him are endless. When he hurts, I hurt. When he is sick, I wish it were me. I get excited about him getting excited. I can't wait to share new experiences with him.

I love you BB. You are precious. I thank God for you every time I see your face (and many times when I don't).

Mommy