Remembering a year ago today...

My sweet little LB quit breathing. He just took a breath and didn't take another one...right there in my arms. It is still almost too much for me to write about.

He turned blue. I stimulated him. I gave mouth-to-mouth. I screamed. I cried. I prayed. I tried to soak in my baby because I was so afraid he was going to die in my arms.

We were already in route to the hospital. Only about 2 miles away, but it was the longest 2 miles of my life.

A nurse just happened to be taking a smoke break outside and saw us pull in on two wheels. She grabbed my blue baby and started mouth-to-mouth. He was breathing again before she got back to the ER with him. God's timing is perfect.

LB was 11 days old. I didn't even know him. I desperately wanted more time with him. Oh, how thankful I am that God saw it fit to leave LB in our care for longer. More then ever, I realized that my children are not mine to keep. They belong to the Creator and they are his to take. I don't know when he will want them back, but I am so thankful for every second that he lets us keep them here with us. We don't deserve them.

I look at my sweet one year old today and I am so thankful. Thankful for all the stuff that we didn't miss. Thankful for all the times I feel frazzled and exhausted. Thankful for all the tears that didn't get shed.

God could have just as easily called him home. But, Praise the Lord, he didn't. He got to stay.